you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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