Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
