i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
