I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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