stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
