and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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