Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
