My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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