I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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