every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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