A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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