see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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