I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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