i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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