I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
