Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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