I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
