tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
