About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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