You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
