WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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