Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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