sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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