I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
