i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
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i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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