I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
