did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
