Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
