so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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