I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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