Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
