im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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