I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
