he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
