i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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