Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
