I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
