I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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