Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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