I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize