..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
