she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
