i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
