Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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