sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His nipple licking is glorious
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