I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
