What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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