I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
