Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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