We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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