Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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