so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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