i think my tv is drunk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize