drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
