I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
