you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
