He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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