I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
