I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
