# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
