did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she smelled like a LAN party
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
