My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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