i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
