the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
