I faked an abortion last night.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
