What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
