Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
