I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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