Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
