Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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