textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
